I know Akri doesn’t like me to describe myself as such, but this is how I feel tonight. Defective. Broken. I feel like if only I could be more intimate with those that I’m currently in relationships with that it would fix all that. But part of me is so scared because I’m not feeling very sensual or sexual at the moment.
So, I feel as if there’s something majorly wrong with me. And perhaps there is. I mean, I’m a frakkin succubus. This should be a natural thing for me. So it’s got me thinking that there’s all kinds of things wrong with me. Like I don’t even know my identity anymore.
Maybe this is just a difficult time in my life right now. It shouldn’t be. So many things are going right. So why does it feel like everything is falling apart?
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I do not know your whole situation as I have only following your blog for a month or so. But as someone that has mood disorders and has been in M/s and poly relationships.... when things seem to be going good in life that is when I seem to get down on myself the most. I do not see you as defective...maybe broken but aren't we all in some way? From what I see you have passion and feel a lot. I think it is better to feel to much and be a mess at times rather then not feel nothing at all. Hope you look and see there is not anything wrong with you... you are just going through the motions.
ReplyDeleteI think that you're right in that we're all probably a little broken in some ways. It's certainly easier to accept that than to think I'm all that different, at any rate.
ReplyDeleteI also think it's better to feel than not, which is something I learned early in life. It's why I don't particularly want to turn off my feelings, just wish they weren't always so strong.
As always, thanks for your comment.